Terrahawks: Zelda’s Night Before Christmas

Performed by Denise Bryer and written by Andrew T. Smith, Zelda from Terrahawks brings us her unique interpretation of a Christmas Eve favourite!


Twas the night before Christmas, and all cross the land,

the Earth scum did cower, from death by my hand!

All shutters were bolted, by cowards in fear,

because word had reached Earth that Zelda was near!

The Terrahawks were nested all snug in their beds,

while nightmares of androids troubled their heads.

All were prepared with guns primed on the shelf,

except for Stew Dapples – who had wet himself!

When up in the sky there arose such a roar –

my craft had arrived, and I declared war!

‘cross to the window Ninestein did dash,

but it was no use, for he soon would be ash!

And what did he see from his window that night?

Just the most radiant beautiful sight!

Me, in my finest, eyes burning with flame!

He quivered like jelly as I called them by name;

“Die Ninestein, die Kestrel, die Hawkeye and Zero!”

“Die Falconer, die Johnson, die Dapples and Hiro!”

The bombs were all primed! There was nowhere to slink!

But then I thought something that made me rethink.

This was the best I had felt in a while,

and across my lips now there glinted a smile.

How could I kill them while feeling such pleasure?

Their continued suffering was something to treasure!

I sprang to my ZEAF, though my son questioned why.

“Silence, you fool – just shut up and fly!”

To prolong my fun, I left them in fear.

“Happy Christmas to all – but I’ll be back next year!”

Written by
Chris Dale

Writer, editor & voice actor on Big Finish's Doctor Who, Terrahawks, Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet audio ranges. Host of the Randomiser on the Gerry Anderson Podcast.

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